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All gone.
so this is the day. so this is the end. i feel hella numb to emotions. i really did want to trust her and believe everything was gonna be okay, but i had to end it. you cant really understand what if feels like putting so much energy and time into someone. being down for them whenever theyre feeling down. showing up with food just cause they were feeling low. visiting them with empty tanks knowing you cant afford gas. just not caring for tomoro, but only for the moment. i had no care in the world what it costed to be with her. whether i wud have enough gas to make it home. money meant nothing. just the little things made it worth my time and effort. the way she smiled when i would show up with another surprise. or whether i just suprised her by showing up. the way her eyebrows shaped when she would get angry. the way our personalities just…clicked. she understood my humor, i understood hers. answering the phone with laughter. just all the good times seem to overstand the bad. it wasnt only a relationship, but a concrete friendship, all to be given up. i just cannot trust people that easily and if i ever do decide to put effort into trusting, i cant be joked around with. yet that is what happened. i really wish none of this bad stuff ever happened with the “ex”. if he just wasnt in the picture, my life mos def wouldnt be as low as it is. cannot stop thinking about how strong and happy we were. i cant do anything about it now tho, its all over. my family isnt doing well, her family hates me, i mean what else is there to do..so this is the night i feel the most pain ive ever felt before. pain from being hurt. pain from thoughts. pain from memories. pain from personal business. pain from being alone. no matter how far i push you away from me, youll always be close to my heart…..the end
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hmm
tumblr? ohh man what is this stuff. aye i needa write somem down and keep myself vented. so here goes nothin
